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Post by Tommy Merlyn on Apr 17, 2014 18:23:12 GMT
He looked at the hand resting on his shoulder, and then looked back at the road, "I've spent enough om life unable to be a good person. I've cheated, lied, slept around so much, I'm not sure if I can think to do good things on my own. Maybe they'd come, maybe not, but I am very appreciative of being able to get ideas because of you." He smiled a little and looked at her, "You make me want to be better."
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Post by Laurel Lance on Apr 17, 2014 20:03:01 GMT
Leaning towards Tommy, Laurel moved her hand to the back of his neck and gently ran her fingertips through the hair at the base of his neck. "Just because you weren't ready yet doesn't make you a bad person. Admittedly, you could have been honest and ended anything before cheating, that would have been best. I've known you most of your life Tommy, if I thought you were that bad I would have always avoided you. My dad's a cop, he's constantly telling me to stay safe. You do some risky things I don't always agree with, but you aren't villainous. Don't put that weight on yourself."
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Post by Tommy Merlyn on Apr 17, 2014 20:07:07 GMT
He sighed, "Sometimes it's hard for men to do the right thing. I don't know if I even could have ended some of those, or spoken to them about the situation. We don't always think with our heads, and that's a problem. But I'm thinking with my head now, with you. I know what I'm doing, and I'm not going to do anything that might screw that up." He meant that; Laurel was the one person he could see himself spending his life with. She made him want to stay, have no desire for anyone else. She was just the one who made him complete.
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Post by Laurel Lance on Apr 17, 2014 20:31:08 GMT
"Tommy, that's sexist. You don't need to tell anyone anything other than it's over. It has nothing to do with being a man, probably more to do with having money and a father showing you that there are no consequences." She had tried to keep her thoughts on Malcolm to herself, though it wasn't working at the moment. Tommy had unintentionally poked at Laurel's beliefs of equality and the lawyer in her seemed to jump out. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have criticized your father, that was wrong. I watched you and Oliver string girls along for years when all you had to do was tell them it's over. Sometimes I thought you two were competing with each other. You have so much money you can use for anything, and you spent years using it to make people not hate you for your insensitive actions. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to think you couldn't have made the connection on your own. "
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Post by Tommy Merlyn on Apr 17, 2014 20:40:13 GMT
Tommy knew what she was talking about, and remembered doing just that with Oliver. He shook his head, "I didn't do that because I wanted to. Maybe sometimes it was a competition, maybe other times it was because I was a jerk and didn't think of the consequences. But I'm not that man anymore. I hate looking back and remembering that. That's not who I am anymore, and I will never be that man again. I never could be. I've learned a lot and had so much time to reflect on things."
He stopped and wondered if he should even say this next part. He stopped at a red light and looked at her, "Sometimes I wonder about if I had gone with Oliver and his father. I've gone out with them before, and I considered going again that day. Realizing that I'd have died...just realizing that and letting it sink in, that really changes a man and his priorities. That realization got to me so hard..."
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Post by Laurel Lance on Apr 17, 2014 23:20:31 GMT
Pulling her hand back to her lap, Laurel turned her gaze away from Tommy to stare out the window. If she had pulled down the mirror behind the visor, Laurel knew she'd see the redness start up in her eyes, threatening to cry. "And if I was a better girlfriend, I'd have been on that boat and my baby sister would be alive. And maybe if my parents weren't left with the angry daughter, so full of hatred they would have made it through. It should have been me and it wasn't."
Wiping at the imaginary tears, Laurel had to physically assure herself that she hadn't started crying. "Let's not have this conversation, please. At least not tonight."
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Post by Tommy Merlyn on Apr 17, 2014 23:27:10 GMT
There were no vehicles behind them, so he just stopped the car and parked where they were. He turned to her, "I'm sorry, I...I didn't mean to bring that up. Look...we could all be dead, if things had played out differently. We've mourned, we continue to mourn every day. I didn't mean to bring it up, it was just impulse. Let's put it behind us. I said that already, and yet here I am, bringing it up again. If I start to say something like that again, hit me. Please hit me. Stop me from doing it, because I see how much it rips you up inside. It gets me too..."
He looked out at the road and sighed. He had to stop talking, especially about that. He felt so shitty right now for saying it, and wouldn't even care if Laurel just left right now. He probably deserved it after bringing up the yacht again...
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Post by Laurel Lance on Apr 18, 2014 0:12:18 GMT
"Oh my god! Tommy!" The words just flew out of Laurel's mouth as she felt the vehicle stop, her entire body twisted around in the seat to look out the back window as she grabbed Tommy's arm, squeezing it slightly. Laurel played by the rules, she didn't step outside of the box, and stopping in the middle of the road was definitely outside her normal customs.
Releasing her grip on his arm, Laurel twisted to face Tommy when she had assured herself that there weren't any cars coming at them. "We're both alive, and I'd really like it to stay that way. Otherwise, this would be a horrible first date. I'm not mad at you, I just don't want to discuss what could have happened, not today. You and I got left behind and we're here because of it, let's just focus on that."
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Post by Tommy Merlyn on Apr 18, 2014 2:52:30 GMT
He nodded a few times, "Yeah, ok. I just wanted to say my bit," he told her. He shifted back into drive and started down the street again. This might not have been the best way to start their first date, but he'd hopefully make up for it. He just wanted to do the right thing, but the wrong things kept coming out of his mouth. He was trying, but he was failing.
He hoped that she'd see that. He wanted her to know he was trying, and that he wasn't doing this on purpose. With any other girl it would be easy, because it would mostly be for sex. But now, with Laurel, it was entirely different, and he had to do different things, say different things, and his mind was going to the wrong sources.
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Post by Laurel Lance on Apr 18, 2014 3:24:05 GMT
Tommy had gotten her heart racing by the unexpected stop, but the way he spoke now forced Laurel to ignore it. He sounded sad, which was not what Laurel had wanted at all. As the car started moving again, Laurel glanced at the side mirror, but still didn't see any cars suddenly popping up out of no where.
Pulling on the seat belt, Laurel loosened it to the point that it would be useless if needed, but it allowed her freedom of movement without undoing it and forcing that annoying beeping to start up. Leaning all the way over to Tommy, Laurel kissed his cheek before setting herself back in her seat. "I don't want you to ever think that there are any topics off-limits. You can talk to me about anything. But that...just not tonight. And probably not tomorrow. I feel like I'm finally coming back into my life after being absent for a long time, and I just want to enjoy that, at least for tonight. We have the entire future to talk about the past."
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Post by Tommy Merlyn on Apr 18, 2014 3:43:24 GMT
He nodded as they drove. It wouldn't be much longer, and that was a good thing. The sooner they got there, the better. They could put this conversation and setting aside and just move on. "I'll remember that. I'll wait a while if I ever want to talk about that again with you." He wasn't sure how much he'd want to actually talk about it, but he probably would to some extent.
If nothing else, maybe they could help each other. They'd both lost people, and he wasn't sure either of them were over it. Maybe they could help each other to move on and look to the future without thinking about the past and their losses. Ideally, that was the goal.
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Post by Laurel Lance on Apr 18, 2014 3:56:25 GMT
"It's selfish, I know. It won't always be like that." Laurel hardly ever asked anyone for anything, she had made a life for herself, all by herself. She was the one who was always there to pick up the pieces. To care for her father when her mother left, to carry CNRI through some difficult cases that Laurel wasn't sure she could even win, but she fought anyway. Now, she wanted something for herself. Time.
Buildings seemed to fly by as they drove, with Laurel hardly paying attention to any of them. They weren't important, and she wasn't driving. "I'm pretty sure you have to buy dessert now too, since you broke your own rule about bringing up the past. Didn't even last a day."
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Post by Tommy Merlyn on Apr 18, 2014 13:34:47 GMT
He let out a small laugh, "Do you think dessert wasn't part of the plan?" he asked as a joke. He hadn't actually thought about it, but it might have been better to appear as though it was part of the plan. He wasn't thinking too far ahead, and he wanted it to look like he was. Sure, it was a minor thing, but it was still something he wanted to look to have planned for.
"Well, turns out I'm not too good with rules," he told her, "But I will do better not to break that one again. Once more, I'm sorry."
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Post by Laurel Lance on Apr 18, 2014 14:45:39 GMT
It was good to hear him laugh, much better than most of the other things that had gone on that day. In one day, they had managed to bring up the entirety of the past that they had been trying to avoid, it was almost kind of impressive. "Tommy Merlyn, breaking all the rules, I'm shocked." Sarcastic of course, Laurel even dramatic put her hand to her heart as she said it.
"I'm not sure what you have planned, this is our first official date after all." Okay, so that was a bit of a lie. It wasn't like they had never gone out to eat before, just never like this. Before it was always casual, or out of necessity to eat. "It's all new, things will get better." Laurel had to believe that, or they were going to have an awful time together. For Laurel, it was the first time she had dated anyone in five years. For Tommy, she wasn't even sure. She had been so consumed in caring for her father and shutting out the world, she hadn't even paid that close attention to anyone else.
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Post by Tommy Merlyn on Apr 18, 2014 15:21:48 GMT
It would get better. He just had to put things behind and push on forward, or at least try to forget about the past events, for now. "Things will get better," he repeated. He had to believe that, and he did believe that. "I'm not sure what our first official date will completely entail. Only some of it is completely planned, the rest? Well, I'll figure that out as we go."
He looked out ahead, "We're here," he told her as he came up and parked. He looked to her, "Alright, time to begin the next step in our first "official" date, as you call it." For some reason, the "official" part kind of amused him.
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